Life’s a contradictory constant

In one of those reflective moods (yes, at 3 freakin am in the morning) and read through my blog entries this time last year.

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Around this time last year, Young n Wild staged On North Diversion Road. We were nervous wrecks, well because its our very first emsemble piece. It was an interesting time…finding out more about each other and also about our strengths and weaknesses, of which I will list here (for posterity’s sake):

(1) Need to open up my mouth and enuciate..dont be lazy

(2) Treat each word with respect (doesnt mean over analyze it)

(3) Dont judge the character, or else it wouldnt become you

(4) Live in the moment, have fun!

I guess I’m starting to learn how to have fun and still stay focused. Doing You Are Special helped me to start trusting myself as an actor and doing Hypochondriac told me that I can be disciplined and work hard at my character without someone breathing down my neck. Cool.

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Kungfu Panda was AWESOME! Mainly because it stuck to good sense of direction and tight pacing. Not to mention the framing of the fight sequences was actually not bad! And because pandas are cool…and like so cute! Man, it totally inspired me to be panda-ish - you know, finding my own "kungfu" kick-ass style. 

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I also read one blog entry promising myself to go for Theatre Practise auditions. I DID IT!And got through it…almost*laf* But dang, its just a flicker of hope at this point (as Daph would put it) I shall totally do the exercise that was used in the audition and see if my conversational chinese gets any better. If not, I’ll just be damm fat. Muahahha. TNS NEXT!

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Im half excited, half impatient about the wedding. (Well, if you didnt already know, I’m engaged and off the market for good!) I wanna see the dress and do nice wedding favours but I also wanna spend my money on other stuff!!! According to the bridal lady, I have "mature" tastes. In other words, I aint liking no princess bride. Jonathan and Shou Chen…so hope you guys can be there

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Im stuck between doing Wizard of Oz…or Rainbow Fish. Should I do ensemble for a big show or character role for small show? Which would be a better show for me to grow and stretch with? *think* At this point…I think its time to step up to doing a full character. I need to build stamina, learn to how to extend a character’s life beyond 10 minutes. (Not that I cant learn anything from doing ensemble work) I dont always get the chance so…

(1) I have an overwhelming urge to act overseas…like fly to some far away land and do theatre. Wonder if it will ever happen…

(2) If your throat tickles, scratch your ear. Really, it works

(3) I really wont mind doing another feature film…seeing as this aint my year in theatre. *cross fingers really tight*

(4) Find sleeping a complete waste of time…apparently people have conditioned themselves to function properly on 4 hours of sleep throughout the day. How cool is that?

(5) Do I really speak Chinese funny? I thought i sound quite intelligble. "Wo shi hua ren, wo hui jiang hua yu" Nono?

(6) Narnia was so-so, as was Indiana Jones. Accuracy of Death came close to being good (not just because of Aniki Jin)..but unfortunately I fell asleep. Tired lar.

(7) Doing some insect show…and I really was hoping NO ONE would see it. Of course, alot of people did. (sigh…its all about the money, its all about the money)

(8) Is it true that depression is an occupational hazard for actors?

(9) I hate running…I prefer to swim. For some reason, running just seems to bore the hell out of me.

(10)Never eat broccoli infused lobster bisque. The sai that follows after is potent man. Like atomic-bomb potent.

Well…I guess its inevitable. After Hypochondriac, which I’m currently bumping in for, the first batch of Young n Wild has run its course. Its been a great journey, learnt alot of things about myself and also made close, close friends. Frankly, I dont want it to end. I know, we must all move on to bigger and better things etc etc…but I will really really miss the support and the camaraderie we have as an acting ensemble. Young n Wild has filled a void in my life (in more ways then one hehe) and I really cant think of any other group of people I can be so open with, so trusting with.

To be honest, I’m kinda lost without the Y n W peeps. Being with them helps me forget my troubles, my worries and everything bad. Seeing Jasmine massage someone (who probably has bliss written all over) and the straight guys goof around, Daph being all worried and sexy at the same time, El in her corset and Shouchen pouting at every opportunity..Its like stepping into a whole other word altogether. I’m so going to miss being with you guys…(of course, we will still each other init?)

Auds - Please do eat. And I can’t wait for the day when we become "lao jiao" together..we have to see each other through. You are talented and hardworking…can make it one! Don’t worry so much ok? *hug*

Daphne - You are long suffering, witty, a loyal friend and also someone who is damm scary (in a good way). I’m glad I got to see the side of you that goes Freudian, loves Neil Gaiman…and boy, such great writing! And I’m glad that you are my friend!

Eleanor - Thanks for being so *aheam* motherly! NO no, you are always glam no matter what you do. Even in the toilet, I’d imagine. Thanks for looking out for me…from Man of Letters till now. And for giving timely whacks on the head when neccessary *grin* Love you much!

Candice - I am damm inspired by you can? You are damm cool and everything in between! I know you are not one for sentiment, but honestly to have you there next to me in the dressing room is more comforting to me then you will ever know. You are my cumb of crumfort! *grin*

Jasmine - YOU ARE POWER!!! How you can juggle a full time job and this, I’ll never know. And for that, I salute you! For your car rides, your massages and for being there that night…All I can say is that you are the most beautifulest human being I’ve ever met! *hugs*

Judy - Dajie..accordin to Auds. I think you are another inspiration. I really look up to you and I am so glad that you are sticking this through with us even though you are so busy. You are fucking good and I can only inspire to be like you. Can I ever get to work with you? *sigh*

Jon Lum - I cant believe I used to "dislike" you. Obviously, you are not easy to like *grin* But I have a confession to make - I have (had) a crush on you! Your energy, discipline and motivation simply impress the heck out of me..not to mention you’re a great bitchin partner and friend. I’m going to miss you when you go..*sniff*

Shou Chen - So diva. Hehehe. Actually, I would really love to work for a boss like you. But you know what? I would rather work with you as an actor. In any case, its been a privilege to have known you and to become your friend. I’m really hoping to meet you again on stage…

QC - You know it took me the longest time to get to know you? I never knew you could be so LAME! But I never knew you could be such a nice and considerate guy and so freaking funny! It was nice being your "father", I couldnt have asked for a better "son". *grin*

Ghaz - Our youngest un. I think you talk without thinking sometimes..but its that earnest nature of yours that makes you so cute! I’m sorry we are corrupting you left right and center *paiseh* Go back to school and come back to theatre when you are done ok?

Terence - Well…you. You with the intellect and theorizing, you the long suffering "husband" (pity about the ears). Not to mention, the hips! After all that beating and screeching, you are SOO my friend. You earned the right. Haha.

LESLIE!!! FASTER COME BACK…SO MUCH TO TELL YOU!! ALSO, WE CANT STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR BUTT!!!

Well, I have been in a bit of a funk recently. Acting-wise, there isnt much work and prospects dont seem to get any better. I keep thinking that I suck, because my characters arent working right for Hypochondriac. I think back on the choices I made and wonder if i should have just sold out. I worry about my future in this industry night and day, just trying to find ways to stay where my heart is. I AM TIRED!

After sitting around and wallowing in self-pity, as evidenced in the post before last, I figured I need a break. If I dont get anything for the Singapore Theatre Festival, I am just going to continue my life and do other things. And take it as a break. Of course, being selected to do any show for the festival is a great way to validate my efforts and sacrifices. But you know what, as an old man would say "Each Dog Has Its Day". So…..

I’m going to be doing Short and Sweet…(most likely). And helping Beng with Artaud’s Jet of Blood for Little Red Shop. Most definitely going for the other Theatre Festival Auditions. Also,persist on writing scripts in the middle of the night and tweaking them. I’m going to do a little more photography and make nice montages, dive back into reading loads of books and comics and work on non-theatre projects. WEEEEE. I even bought the 30 Days of Night Trilogy….just for kicks!

Hopefully, this will keep me distracted and also help me to grow, while waiting for me to become a "professional actor" (if ever). Hang in there, all my aspiring friends, we can do this! GANBATTE! *warrior growl*

Hello, every single person in my life that matters! *kiss* Love you!

*skip away*

Sigh - I hate auditions. Specifically cold reads. I really love the rehearsals and the exploration and everything else but auditions. When you only have one chance to prove that you can live up to the character, you just use what you have at hand, what you are comfortable with. And sometimes, it works against you.

Instinctively, without direction or idea, I play my characters younger, more emotional, less grounded. These decisions are what I automatically rely on to carry me through cold reads, even with older characters (Of course, if you are playing a male doctor who is 50, its easier for you to make choices within that boundary) But, for today, I relied on my instinct to read for a female character who was slightly older and more restrained.

After the read, I realised that the character would have made different choices and would, because of that, be more powerful in status. Which prompted me to quietly curse myself all the way home…I kept thinking, if I had paid attention or perhaps just thought a little more, I may have done better. If I had just not relied solely on instinct, I may have give the character more cause, done her more justice. Well, I definitely dont think I should be casted as her as there ARE people better qualified, but the point is I sucked!

I just want someone to believe I can do it. Cast me as a few minor insignificant characters in a huge piece. I get to play around, I have time to think through the different personas, I get to be inspired. Even if i’m in the background, I’m just happy to be a part of the process and grow with the characters. Thats why I’m so thankful for Y n W. The roles given to me so far are roles that people wont usually cast me in. They are small, bit parts but at least I get to stretch my acting muscle many different ways and feel alive.

So please, give me a chance (Ya, so thick-skinned. What makes you think you should be given a chance? Wait your turn!) And on that note. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *bangheadanddie*

PS Sorry for the depressing and overwhelmingly stupid entry. Im having PMS and pretty much thinking I suck, so therefore the bruised ego. Please disregard as a mere flatulence on my part and hopefully my urge to go drown in a bucket of soil will die too. *sniff* Also Big Guy? If I dont get anything for STF, please just take care of me ok? *hide*

Over the years (not that I have lived many), I have come to widen my interests in design, architecture and film. Not to mention  appreciating good fiction and great cooking. So far, I have compiled a list of books and films that I want to add to my humble library. Just to share with you:

BOOK LIST

Postsecret Book Series

30 Days of Night Trilogy (Comic in Hardback)

Nightwatch Trilogy

All Jamie Olive Cook Books

Luerzer’s Archive (Its a magazine but it qualifies)

David Bordwell’s Textbooks

FILM LIST

Be Kind Rewind

All Wes Anderson Films! (His later ones especially, when his style is more evident)

Tenebrae by Argento (Hard to find but hell, I want!)

The Ziegfeld Follies ‘46

Juno! (Cody Diablo rules as does Ellen Page)

Evangelion Trilogy (Film Version)

Pan’s Labyrinth (Guillermo Del Toro Rules!)

And the list goes on….Im going to keep updating it as I go along. Wee!

Had a wonderful weekend with the girls in Krabi…and came back suffering from withdrawal symptoms.  Excessive amounts of restless energy, many a guttural laugh and everything animal, mineral and vegetable.

As you can see I love my NUTS!*digdigdig*

I believe I am suffering from the occasional actor’s withdrawal.  I burst out in silent melodrama halfway through a shower. I stand in the middle of the room acting out to no one. I even swat random people in the thigh because I see a " bloody mosquito".

I seriously NEED to do more acting, or die of overwhelming desire (and exertion) I implore the powers that be, don’t let all this creative energy go to waste!  *twitchbangheadstrangleselfcontortfacewringfingers*

Postnote: I think God heard me *awed look* I actually am up for two plays at the Singapore Theatre Festival..one directed by Ivan, the other by Christina. *big-eyed* I may not get either one, but hell, its really an honour to be called up for the read!*gulp*

Good evening and thanks for tuning in to this edition of Issy’s News Hour. At the fore, Issy survived her first day on the set of "Invisible Children", Brian Gothong Tan’s first feature film. No serious injuries were sustained, although her stockings were reportedly ripped to pieces. In "Investment Watch", anxious stock-buyers are waiting to see if their investments in castings and taxi-takings have reaped any financial or work benefits. The ROI looks to be rather insubstantial, but time will only tell if these decisions will yield any results. Weather-wise, there has been rain for the past few days and will likely to continue tormenting the populace of Singapore. Before we sign off, here is a Public Service Annoucement sponsored by Issy.

"Remember to brush your teeth twice a day and gargle when possible. I didnt and now I have half a tooth left. Do it before its too late."

That was certainly a provoking message. Thanks everyone. Issy, signing up and out.

Found this little cafe right smack in the heart of bugis…so craving for the red velvet cake right now! Its pretty cool cos they actually do community projects while serving up damm good food! So I dont mind putting on a few kilos just to save the earth. Sweet! Guilt-free eating at its best *jumpjump*