Life’s a contradictory constant

Disclaimer: Not intentionally being holy or religiously devout or morally elitist. I am indeed a corrupt person, without question. *grin*

Hahahaha…guess I will never escape this. First MAXIM, now my agent wants me to join MISS BOAT ASIA 2007. Why? Because its good exposure (in a bikini), I have a good chance to win measly $600 bucks and it will bring me more jobs. The SAME few reasons that they used to persuade me to do the MAXIM cover. Don’t even get me started on MSU (I have seen some of them and…lets just hope they aint stupid) *grin*

Is there anything in this industry that doesnt require me to strip in order to get more acting jobs? Not that I am acting high-and-mighty, just that there must be some way around parading in tiny things to the millionaire-chee-ko-pek-alpha-male types and being objectified and lusted upon. (trust me, its a very disconcerting feeling - you feel like you are being hunted*shudder*)

Just because this is the fastest way shouldn’t mean that its the only way, right? You might ask "But Issy, you ARE doing it on stage for TSI, so whats the difference?" Thing is, JAN is the one wearing them bikinis; the situation requires it and so does her character. Its not me projecting that image, its Jan. Its very different from asking me to go pose for a picture in a bikini and being sexually appraised by men - Jan might be fine with it, I wont.

All I am pointing at is, where is the fine line between marketing yourself and selling yourself short? I have been tempted to take up offers that would definitely raise my market value in the short term but I know doing so would harm my reputation/branding in the long run. Where to go, where to go?  God knows, and I sure hope HE has one plan for me. I just hope i can hold out until the Big Guy decides to show me what he’s up to *closeeyescrossfingers*

If you are a candy addict like me, please please please be warned. Just because you see nice packaging, doesnt mean that its good stuff inside..I just got duped! Don’t EVER EVER buy ANY Allen’s products for yourself or for your discerning candy-lover friends. They suck! No taste (although fat-free) and very irritatingly deceptive. Grrgh. Totally spoilt my gummy craze for the day…super sian now.

Couldnt find the red packaging..but you have been warned!

Well, The Swimming Instructor ends this weekend. I think ill be sad when its done because I’ll have missed creating, learning and developing myself. And of course, bonding with Jem, Wee Hong, Loretta, Mingyu & Sok Chin. LOVE YOU GUYS!!! *HUGKISS* Its been one hell of a ride, and if I wasnt so stressed out, I think i would have enjoyed it more. I know I wasn’t exactly the best or the most consistent, but I sure tried as hard as I could under the pressure and all.(Trust me, it was hard for me to admit that) Thanks to every one who gave their support and constructive criticism..I sure hope to put all that I’ve learnt into good use for the next production (if I am lucky enough to get into one) I am just glad I did this because it really shows what I’m lacking and what tools I do have as an actor.

(1) Always good to slow down when needed but pick up the pace between lines. LISTEN!!!

(2) Now I really understand how important it is to understand the script line by line, especially with such little time. Shall do that from the very start of rehearsals.

(3) No matter how rehearsals go, always spend the time to understand/create the character first! The moves will come.

(4) Dont stress yourself out about hitting certain points. The more you stress, the less likely you are able to feel it AS the character and therefor NOT hit it.

Well onto Short and Sweet & Beauty World Auditions. Wish me luck! And I promiseeeeee, no theatre blogs for abit. Will post rubbishy stuff ok? *hugs* Can’t wait to meet up with the peeps for post-play fun!

Hello,

I have just recently started rehearsals for the first of Young N W!ld’s training season shows. Called North Diversion Road, its about 10 couples in 10 different cars dealing with infidelity. Each of the couples have so much to tell in that little car ride on the expressway, you will entertained thoroughly and deeply touched by the hidden truths and hurts. FYI, I will be playing two different wives dealing with their unfaithful husbands in very different ways…one cries to no end and the other one just counts.

What I realise though, when preparing for the roles, is that being in the car can actually liberate and isolate you, sometimes in the same moment. When I am sitting in the car, I feel sheltered from the world. I can put on music, sing at the top of my lungs, go crazy and do just about anything I like. With the person I love, its like being in a world of our own. But when the journey becomes unbearable with tension and anger, it is the most lonely you will ever feel. To be confined in the same space with the same person you love but cant reach out to, is heartwrenching and oh-so-ironic.

I suppose all of us have had one of these drives…both, movingly beautiful in their own way. What I find so amazing about this, is that in course of moving from one point to another, our relationships and lives can change so drastically. Because people are physically confined in a vacuum, hearts can only become closer or be driven apart. Milestones can be marked, the scenery can change and different paths diverge and converge. Nothing is static, nothing is constant.

Don’t underestimate the chance that a car ride can give you. You never know how your life can change. All within one 30 minute ride.

I am pretty much in a state of detachment right now, especially with the play going on. Suddenly, everything stands still except the world that you have painstakingly created on stage. It has become an personal obsession, to get every single moment precisely right every single time. But with each full run, I realise with great disappointment that I have a huge limitation in my acting ability. I have become so emotionally exhausted to the point where nothing in my emotional memory worked for me. It scares the hell out of me, not knowing what to do to overcome it.

I suppose I have to find a way to (1) conserve and ration my emotional reservoir for the entire duration of the run and (2) to harness new ways of reaching emotional peaks. I have been so stressed that I’m pushing myself to feel and it has somewhat damaged my performance. Its really challenging having to craft a character in less than a month,to develop nuances and details while still growing my vocal and physical reflexes. And to maintain that journey while discovering it anew every night for two weeks is probably the most challenging thing, by far, for an "aspiring" actress.

At least now, I know I suck. Not just in terms of listening but also stamina and vocabulary. But its good - cos this means I have no way but up to go.

I just hope I havent screwed this one up too badly*cross fingers*

Edit: Flying Inkpot just gave the production one and half stars. Apparently its got uninspired acting, clumsy direction & a dull plodding script. Sigh

(1) What does it take to be a good actress? When will I ever be one?

(2) Craving for good ole pasta and bruschetta right now……*hmm*

(3) Keep telling myself that Ill never actually marry *laf*

(4) Money money money money.

(5) Want to go New York and take inspiring pictures. Now.

(6) I have too many bruises on my legs…and I am really unglamourous

(7) Oh and I want to go back to Belgium too. Be a waitress or something.

(8) Cactuses, white buses and action figures. *smile*

(9) Rich spoilt kids who have issues are super tiring to be.

(10) Love you all my friends*hug* Peijun..its so hard to get you. Give me your number if you happen to see this ok? Chin! *grin* Love you…God loves you too!!!!!!