Life’s a contradictory constant

I said this once to a friend. "Its the clutter that makes your house a home." Its the ashtray full of ciggies, the crumbled magazines, the open cd covers, the little frustrated notes, the warm impression left behind on a sofa that makes a house more then just an empty shell. People try to clear all that clutter away because its so unsightly "mars the aesthetic lines of the architecture’.  But its these things that make those lines seem less cold, its these things that make the space more liberating, more yours.

In the same way, its what you have accumulated in your life that make you your own person. It is the same things that you sometimes desperately want to hide or hate to show that shape who you are. Don’t be afraid to have messes or experience new things. Allow yourself to be comfortable with you. Embrace the ‘clutter’ and enjoy the freedom that comes with it because seriously there is no where like home *smile*

OK so I have many reflections. Deal with it…and I did say I was going to talk more. *grin* Well one thing I’ve learnt about being in this industry - you must be hardworking. People who have the natural talent can get the inflections and enunciations and emotions spot-on first time round, but people who are hardworking can do the same, perhaps even better. I have always thought that Sam who plays Mona in Man of Letters was never really suitable for the role. But she proved everyone wrong by making it her own and improving it as she went along. Of course a good script matters (kudos to Jean for that) but the point is, she eventually won me over.

Aaron and Ix also pointed out a number of people who really grew during the process. Its interesting to note that the people who are talented aren’t the ones that get noticed, its those who have the drive. And it really impressed on me how much work goes into being a performer…it makes it more clear to me what I need to be - diligent, humble, focused.

I guess if i really want to be in this industry, I have to start being committed. Not to the point where its starts to stress me out and kills me, but at least attack it with the passion I started out with. Mind you, not "serious" serious but "have fun" kinda serious. People keep telling me Im being too optimistic, but the point is to believe in yourself and have confidence but also to continue learning. So Auds, Varian darlings, we all must be modest but do, do trust in your abilities. *kiss*

Lost my wallet but had a relatively good first run of Man of Letters! Woot! Its such a weird feeling, knowing that I’m actually paid for performing this, and that loads of people are actually coming to watch it. Quite the same difference..and I LOST MY WALLET!! *sobsob* But i really hope to continue doing this…i know my dance sucks but ill work at it if you do give me another chance *cross fingers and hope* I pretty much told the Big Guy that its really up to him whether I make it in this industry, and if I don’t there is something else for me to excel in, be my best at. But I think for now, this is the best place to be. *smile*

But still it has been fun..(although everyone seems to be getting on my case cos i slouch too much *grumble* and its getting a tad bit irritating) and changing in front of gay guys is such a liberating experience…they don’t care*laf* well at least most of them *grin* Poor Auds had an eye infection which took her out of the first performance so lets all hope that she is ok..and gawd the audience laughed! They actually did! Woot..nice feeling that is, when people get a joke you wrote. Jean should be so proud of her work *jumpjump* And I love the costumes….ehehehehe *shake butt*

Sufferin from post-performance high. Please disregard the entire entry. Thank you.

Two very precious pictures of the Man of Letters Ensemble 2006. BTW, most of them are gay. Sigh.

I don’t understand why I can’t get that one line right during vocal call, but I do abso-fucking-lutely fine during rehearsals. Coupla more days to the musical and I’m scared they will replace me because of what they heard today.

AGRHGSAHGHGRHGJSLJHLSDHILWGFEYFDFVLJHDBLJHVLH!#^$*&^%(&*^$(*&^*

not funny not funny not funny!!!!!! *hide under blankie*

People have been complaining that I have completely disappeared from the face of the eaaarrrrrthhhhhhh.

Well technically speaking, no. I am just basically (1) tired out after day after day of rehearsal (2) tired after night after night of drinking, talking & chilling out (3) tired from all the bitching about gay people and principals (4) tired about all that financial woes (5) tired. I miss being loved and pampered *pout* For those who know, it really sucks not having someone there all the time for you to hide yourself in. I really find it hard to stay sane without that - I just hope I don’t break down.

*sigh*

I had to quit the mediacorp thingy cos I have to fulfil my contract to MOL *strangle* But! You will see my name on credits on CNA, every Thursday 830pm! ‘STEMS OF LIFE’ is finally showing! (which means im closer to getting my pay I hope) and I will be in a TVC showing soon! So fun…*clapclap* And now that I have decided to go for Young & Wild - I hope that my finances will be able to hold somehow. I know it will *winkcrossfingers* Seriously, I don’t feel like im working everyday that I am in rehearsals. I can and will do this. I must become one of the best in theatre! *rawr*

I know, I know, ambition is good, delusion is bad. But still, buzz off! I’m in the I-can-and-will-kick-ass-gooood mood *bleah*