Life’s a contradictory constant

Guess what?

I get to kiss a girl, pretend to find orgasms and strip down to my underwear. But I feel like I didnt get the challenging monologues; that I didnt get the ones that mattered. Ever feel like that? Like you are never ever satisfied with what you have *evil cheeky laf* i realise that this is a tragic flaw for me. Overtly ambitious but not confident enough. Eh? But!The point is to always do my best because you never know *bang head*

Anyway…come for VAGINA MONOLOGUES!! 3rd - 5th March 2006 at UCC, $8 a tix. Comecome!

PS I like grocery shopping. Ask me to come along when you are doing it ok? Its so blaaardy therapeutic (but only if you guys are paying heheheh)

First, a moment of silence for my friend’s father’s passing. If it were me, I would have cried till I dehydrated myself. Never easy*hug*

Currently doing a documentary on stem cell therapy and research. So cool, I suddenly feel empowered. I can explain what the hell are embryonic stem cells to you, ask me ask me! Anyone knows diabetes or leukemia patients? We are trying to find someone to feature on each of the episodes - follow him around and see what he does. Let me know yeah!

SRT audition was a disaster in my opinion. Tell me, what are the chances of me actually making it when (A) the monologue is overtly melodramatic (B) meant to be funny as a overtly melodramatic piece delivered by a experienced British stage actress (C) the people auditioning me are British who (D) cut me short before I could get to the funny bits hence (E) making me look like a Brit wanna-be attempting to act melodramatic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I didnt " feel pretty" after zhao sia-ing on the song. Freakin Fish Head! I felt so damm deflated after I could bury my head in a toilet bowl and gurgle to death*bang head*

And come for my charity performance of the Vagina Monologues! 3 - 5th March at UCC. I will be playing among other things, a kid, a power-lady, a sexy lady, a crazy lady and a shy lady. SO FUN! Never knew I could be so schizo (is that how you spell it?!) I’m rehearsing like mad ok; eyebags and fat ass sure don’t make good for auditions.

And I guess that I probably didnt get the Ochre job. Sigh. BUT!!!

But I’m stubborn in the things I believe

The river runs, the river hides

Out to the ocean and under the sky

I promise you, the answer will come

Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

Everything in its time, everything in its time

I realise how important friends are *smile & hug* Thanks Brendon *grin*

I am proud of going down a path I chose, and that kinda makes me wanna kick more ass.

I wonder how people managed to pull through. To the theatre practitioners I’ve met, hats off to you. Eleanor & Beng….JIA YOU!!

I want to be alarmingly, melo-dramatically depressed, but realised that it ain’t all that bad.

I remembered how I stuck it out in netball and made it to the school team.

KAZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR. *dragon arm horse stance*

On another note, I seriously think I’d make a good MTV VJ. Why? Cos don’t see me quiet quiet shy shy, I very goofy one leh. Pick me pick me! People closest to me would probably say that I AM crazy enough to be a VERY entertaining VJ right?*nod head furiously* Then again, after you watch me do my thang 100 times, you’d probably die from a brain concussion (of course that being from you banging your head incessantly to stop me babbling)

Ok I dun have enough sleep - the camera guy said I have very deeeep eyebags. "MORE CONCEALER" he yelled. Eek *shake booty*

CHINNNNNNNNNNNIIIIEEEEEE!

Where are you? I have been trying to sms you on the new number you gave me but no reply! Valentine Lunch (Y) or (N)?

Anyway. I’m beginning to be unsure of myself again. This is not good. Why do I let people persuade me otherwise, I’d never know. I just hope I’m making a right decision. *cross fingers* Be it in love or career choices, I just freaking hope I don’t regret what Im doing at all! Crap, I wish I don’t have to be so restricted..but I suppose its best.

On another note, Happy Valentines’ people! May all your romantic fantasies come true…

PS. Come my charity performance of the Vagina Monologues at UCC. Do your bit for charity! Woot!

That I will not be heard unless I was the lead character or the director. That sucks.

Guess what! I’m in an SRT production + Beat by Beat musical BUT not in Army Daze.  And I realise that being a performer all in all is blaardy difficult! Its really like a full time job with a bad pay.. you work your ass off 10 to 6 and you still have to rehearse at home. Although i must admit that the creative process is so much fun! Its almost like watchin the making of documentary. Damm tiring la..singing and acting and laughing. (Sounds like heaven but its really alot of work) If I am really going to plunge into this.. I guess this really veers me off course from the whole power-suit-i’m-going-tp-earn-big path.

I really hope I do have what it takes to make it into what I love. *cross fingers*